Things are going to be different this time.
It's a refrain that parents of a child battling addiction hear repeatedly. Cling to, even when it feels delusional.
In the first few moments of the 2015 movie"Being Charlie," the main character, 18-year-old Charlie Mills, utters these same words in a phone call to his parents. The movie is loosely based onNick Reiner'sbattle with drug addiction and his struggles with his parents, Hollywood directorRob Reinerand producer Michele Singer Reiner.
The movie, the Reiner family has said, offers a candid and brutal view of their experience. Cowritten by Nick Reiner and directed by Rob Reiner, it tells the story of the drug-addicted teenager as his movie star father runs for governor. It follows Charlie as he goes in and out of rehabilitation centers and his parents fight over how best to save him.
It captures the fear of not knowing where your child is, or whether they are safe, even if they are now an adult. That the first time you might sleep through the night again is when they are in rehab − or jail − coming to the difficult realization as a parent that your love isn't enough to protect them. That sometimes you aren't the person who can help them.
On Dec. 14, Rob and Michele Reiner were found dead in their home in the Brentwood neighborhood of Los Angeles. Police arrestedNick Reiner, 32, later that day andcharged him with murder.
When "Being Charlie" premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2015, Rob Reinertold the Toronto Sunthat the movie was the "most personal film I've ever been involved in."
Now, as we try to understand the unexplainable, we scrutinize the one piece that gives us a glimpse into the Reiner family's struggle and the cloud of addiction that can hang over families.
Two-thirds of families say either they or a family member have beenaddicted to alcohol or drugs, experienced homelessness because of addiction or experienced a drug overdose, according to KFF, formerly the Kaiser Family Foundation. And 1 in 5 adults experiencemental health struggles. Somewhere in the back of our minds, this is the fear of every family member who has ever had to go toe-to-toe with a chronic illness that robs the identity of their loved ones. Can we keep them safe?
The city of Los Angeles hasn't been this captivated by a suspected parricide sinceErik and Lyle Menendezwere arrested for killing their parents in Beverly Hills in 1989. The crime is exceedingly rare.
At the time, I was a college student in northern California. The headlines called the brothers "monsters" who killed out of greed. Their claims of sexual abuse were dismissed. The crime was viewed less as a family tragedy and more as two entitled young men who wanted more.
But 30 years later, we are beginning to reexamine their case. A 2024 Netflix documentary offered a sympathetic look at the brothers. AndRyan Murphy's 2025take on the brothers helped people better understand the abuse they endured, Lyle Menendez has said.
This year the brothers were resentenced to 50 years to life, allowing them to beeligible for parole.
What has changed is how we are reacting and talking about the deaths and allowing for complexities.
After the initial shock of losing such a beloved director and his wife, we turn to their family. This time, we approach Rob and Michele Reiner's deaths with a search for understanding, rather than an immediate vilifying of their son.
"This is unspeakable, the stuff of Greek tragedy,"Harry Shearer,who starred in "This Is Spinal Tap," told USA TODAY.
Friends have talked about taking care of the couple's family, including their three children, rather than calling out Nick Reiner.
Director Carl Reiner presents an award to his son, director Rob Reiner at AARP Magazine's "10th Annual Movies For Grownups" on Feb. 7, 2011, in Beverly Hills, Calif." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and his family at the premiere of "Rumor Has It" at the Grauman's Chinese Theater on Dec. 15, 2005." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Carl Reiner, left, and Rob and his wife Michele Singer and their daughter Romy at the 60th annual ACE Eddie Awards on February 14, 2010 in Beverly Hills, Calif." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob with Michele and their son at the 59th annual Directors Guild of America Awards on Feb. 3, 2007 in Los Angeles." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and his son at Game 4 of the Lakers - Timberwolves 2003 NBA playoffs in L.A.." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and his son watch a game between the San Antonio Spurs and the Lakers March 9, 2001, in L.A.." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and Michele at the 2011 NBA All-Star Game on Feb. 20, 2011, in L.A." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and Michele and their son at Teen Vogue's Back-to-School Saturday kick-off event on Aug. 9, 2013 in L.A." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob, Michele, his mother Estelle Reiner, and father Carl at the premiere of 'Best In Show,' Sept.19, 2000, in West Hollywood." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Frank Thomas, Rob and his sons during the Pre-Party for the Players Choice Awards in Las Vegas." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and Michele attend the Family Equality LA Awards Dinner on Feb. 11, 2012, in Universal City, Calif." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Rob and Michele Reiner and daughter Rony at the 'Shock and Awe' premiere at the 13th Zurich Film Festival on Sept. 30, 2017, in Zurich, Switzerland." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Romy, Rob and Michele at the premiere of Electric Entertainment's 'LBJ' at the Arclight Theatre on October 24, 2017, in L.A." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> 
Romy, Rob and Michele at the Friar's Club Entertainment Icon Award at The Ziegfeld Ballroom Nov. 12, 2018, in New York City." style="max-width:100%; height:auto; border-radius:6px; margin:10px 0;" loading="lazy" /> See Hollywood icon Rob Reiner and his family through the years
Director Carl Reiner presents an award to his son, director Rob Reiner at AARP Magazine's "10th Annual Movies For Grownups" on Feb. 7, 2011, in Beverly Hills, Calif.
"Our only focus and care right now is for their children and immediate families,"Christopher Guest and Jamie Lee Curtissaid in a joint statement.
Though we still don't know exactly what happened or what precipitated the killing, the Reiner family has talked about past drug use and hinted at mental health struggles. And theNew York Postreported that Nick Reiner fought with his father at a party at Conan O'Brien's house a few hours before he is suspected of killing them.
Substance abuse doesn't cause violence, but drug or alcohol use is involved in abouthalf of all domestic abuse cases. And two-thirds of victims attacked by someone close to them, such as a child or partner,report that alcohol was involved. Mental illness doesn't necessarily predispose a person to violent behavior.
Ziv Cohen, a forensic psychiatrist, says addiction can complicate family dynamics. And while it isn't always to blame for violence, it can contribute to it.
He says adult children struggling with addiction can become paranoid and often violent when they are intoxicated or going through withdrawal. "They can develop a mindset where people who have good intentions toward them are seen as the enemy," Cohen says. "It can create a dangerous situation."
Nick Reiner has spoken about his addiction, which began when he was 15. He has said he went to rehab almost 20 times and at times was homeless. He also told the podcast "Dopey" in 2018 that he once destroyed his family's guest house while on cocaine after his parents had told him he had to leave.
Rob Reiner said making the film had brought the father and son closer.
"It was the most satisfying experience I've ever had creatively; I never had anything like this. I did not know − going in − how emotional it was going to be. It brought us closer together.
"It's a cliche when they talk about something being cathartic, but at the beginning we were emotionally very far apart, but as he started working on this and I started working with him, it really forced us to have to look at each and get closer."
Reiner and his wife had said they regretted some of the tough-love tactics they used with their son.
In the movie, the parents fight over what is best for their son. Should they let him stay at home or force him into rehabilitation? The movie covers some issues of cost of treatment but doesn't delve into the many complicated questions around addiction that go beyond the decision for treatment. Treatment isn't always covered by insurance, and it's often difficult to know the effectiveness of any program.
Sometimes you send a loved one simply as a wish, a promise that things will be better this time.
And you believe them when they say this time will be different.
If only because you want it to be true.
Laura Trujillo is a national columnist focusing on health and wellness. She is the author of "Stepping Back from the Ledge: A Daughter's Search for Truth and Renewal," and can be reached at ltrujillo@usatoday.com.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY:Rob and Michele Reiner's homicide hits different
